Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Saving Mom

Last year my mother died. She suffered a lot. She was ready to go. The only thing she told us about her burial was that she wanted to be cremated. She figured it would be cheaper that way. No one in the family has much money and she didn't have anything.

Being the oldest child I was the one to sign paperwork and to talk to the doctor about things even though I live hundreds of miles away from the rest of the family and her. My younger aunt went to the funeral home recommended by a cousin and had her cremated. My eldest aunt paid 1/4 of the bill right off the bat. She has the most money. I talked to my sister she said she would be paying some towards the bill when she got her tax refund. I ended up making monthly payments when threats came from the funeral home. I had no idea what arrangement my younger aunt had made.

So for the past year I have made payments. When the younger aunt received an inheritance from her cousin's death she contributed 1/4. My sister never paid anything. My brother didn't make a peep. But in the past year my younger aunt has talked about paying to open the grave site where my grandparents are to put my mother's urn in the ground. As soon as this came up I stated I was against it. If my mother wanted to be in the ground she would have asked for it. Plus it is $900 just to put her in the ground on top of the cremation cost.

My younger aunt continued with the grave site talk and the urn she wanted to get. The only person in the family who requested some of her cremains was my oldest niece. I wanted her to get some and then we could scatter my mother. I tried to have her paid off by the year anniversary. Money problems cause this not to be an option. Then I aimed for vacation next month to rescue her cremains and scatter her (after the niece's cut).

Today in the mail I get a statement from the funeral home stating she was paid in full. I know the younger aunt cam up with the last couple hundred and now has her. I had stopped answering her emails a while ago since she infuriated me so much. I was upset that my mother was paid off and my plot was foiled. My friend reminded me that my mother wouldn't care either way. It was important to me to save my mother's cremains. My aunts were so bossy through her life.

I know that my wanting to "save" my mother's cremains was just the last shot at a childhood filled with trying to save her. I know it was a bit selfish. but I wanted to do it. The vacation next month was 50% doing this plan. I want to see my nieces and maybe that nephew I have never seen. I wanted to help bring my mother peace, but that was just my emotions and wants not something that had to be done. It wasn't like it was her last request.

It still upsets me. The husband was consoling in understanding what I wanted to do. He would love to tell my aunt off. I just want to be done with the family nonsense. I didn't have contact with this aunt until my mother was ill and after she died. This is her trying to be the matriarch. She doesn't have children and has been compensating with my brother's family.

So she can have the cremains. She can't take away the witch puppet I have that looks like my mother.

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